Sticky Situation: Cheating on your friends?
Here's a toughie. I have been friends with, we'll call her Stacy, for years. We've gone through a lot of ups and downs together, but lately we've started drifting apart a little. In fact, I find myself hanging around more with someone, we'll call her Beth, who was introduced to me by Stacy. It's odd, suddenly I have so much in common with Beth and so little with Stacy, that brunch the other day was awkward as Beth and I prattled on while Stacy sort of sat there with a prissy look on her face. And now we have the opportunity to go to Beth's family cabin for the weekend, and Stacy just called asking us over to her house for a big dinner party. I feel like I'm cheating on Stacy with Beth. I don't even want to tell her where we're going, but what if she finds out? How do I do this dance?
I'm all for honesty. It's normal to drift away from a friend and find a new friend. Just tell her you'll be with another friend. I honestly don't think it should be a big deal. :)
I agree with Vered but I know what Stephanie is talking about. With my women friends, there is always a little awkwardness when two or more gather without another, even when the circumstances were just spontaneous, it's a bit like . . .hey, why wasn't I invited? It goes back to high school and middle school, when it was all about excluding others and hording friends as a form of establishing the female social hierarchy--tough impressions to shed even all these years later.
I am seeing this already with my 5er. He comes home from pre-school sad because he didn't have anyone to play with. We ask him if he played with so and so. "No, they were John's friend today." It happens quite often.
I agree with jeannine that this all starts in middle and high school and how were were treated then can carry on through out our lives. Trust broken then can cause trust to be broken for the rest of our lives.
Be honest and be sensitive with her. Don't be a Mean Girl and simply stop talking to her. Maybe invite her to some other events.
There's no way to keep it from being awk, but you can help your original friend save face by acting like you truly believe she doesn't feel threatened by the growing friendship between you and Beth. At least that way she can pretend not to feel rejected or excluded. If you act like you think her feelings SHOULD be hurt, she will feel insulted as well as excluded.
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