GoMom

"Why does great sex so often fade in couples that love each other as much as ever?" That's gotta be Question One for marrieds in sex counseling. Check out this YouTube advice video from Mating in Captivity author and therapist Ester Perel. Not only does she have zhee sexee French accent, but she has her finger on the paradox that causes bed death in sweet couples: "While love needs closeness, desire needs space to thrive." I don't know if asking her husband to pay for blowjobs is going to be every woman's solution, but you get the idea: in order to find your spouse erotic, you have to push him out of the familiar role you see him play every day.

Researchers note that heterosexual women become aroused by images of chimps having sex, of naked women, of masturbation...but not of naked men. Hey, as Elaine once said on Seinfeld,
"The female body is a work of art. The male body is utilitarian-- it's for getting around, like a Jeep." Dr. Meredith Chivers, a scientist interviewed in the new film Bi the Way, told the NY Times that for a
heterosexual woman, “looking at a naked man walking on the beach is about as exciting as looking at landscapes.” So what do women respond to in porn?

You know what's ironic? If you and your husband are really both having
careers and raising children and splitting the housekeeping equally,
you probably don't have time to read this 10-page New York Times Magazine
story on shared parenting. You are probably both so busy that you
should be congratulated if you can name one of this year's big summer
movies. Because it takes a lot of planning and talking and negotiating
(both with your spouse and your employers) to really live the dream of
the gender-balanced family life. Does your work/life division look like you hoped it would back when kids were only an idea?

Ever wish you could shrug off the whole nuclear family thing and see what else might work? This week--perhaps because of the new TV drama Swingtown, perhaps because of the FLDS court victory--both Salon and Slate carried first-person accounts of growing up in nontraditional family structures. Lee Ann Kinkade was raised in an intentional community where her major caretaker ended up being an unrelated woman who also "had two long-term relationships during my childhood and had them simultaneously." Salon's Laird Harrison, on the other hand, had a normal upbringing until his parents let another nuclear family move in with them for two years so the spouses could switch partners. (This resulted in a total of 11 children under one roof, which actually seems kind of fun, no?)

This weekend we are having my daughter's graduation party. We're expecting about 150 over a couple of hours of open house, many of these are people I've never met. My daughter is my step-daughter and has bravely chosen to have one grad party which all sides must attend. That means parents, step-parents, and all relating relations. For the most part, we all get along very well, but this is the first really big she-bang with all bodies present. Do y'all have any tips or tricks as to how I can make sure that the party doesn't split down the midle along family lines? Any smart ways to handle awkward relatives, beyond the healthy pours of booze that I'll be providing?

Want your baby's father to do more hands-on childrearing? Then you have to step back, give the precious fragile angel to pappa, and--here's the hardest part--verbally encourage the father's efforts. A new study has shown that mothers are the gatekeepers of child care, and that men's intentions and beliefs about how involved they should be in their children's care don't predict their actual roles. If the mom doesn't think the dad is doing it right, he will hand the baby over to her and sulk away in defeat. “Encouragement is very important, and really makes a difference in how much fathers participate," said one of the researchers. So practice saying it with me, "Wow, look at that! The baby really likes it the way you are doing it. You like it when things are done the wrong way, don't you, [insert baby's name here]? Honey, do you think [baby's name] believes Bush is a great president?"

I've always hated the term Date Night, mainly because I've always hated dating. I got married chiefly so that I wouldn't have to date anymore. Instead, on the chance night that I get to get out with my husband, sans kids, for a night of adult debauchery, I prefer to call it a Self Esteem Workshop. After a night of eating out, when I don't have to cut up someone's chicken fingers, or seeing a movie that has no trace of cute singing animals, I feel refreshed. Even if I'm hungover in the morning, my self-esteem is high and I am a nicer, more centered Mommy. What do you do for your Self Esteem Workshop?